Sasha's School (shkola) Solution

школа pronounced [shkola]- the Russian word for school. From the Latin "schola" meaning a place for the discussion. Our quest to find the best "place for the discussion" for Sasha has been quite a long journey. Just a quick trip down memory lane- we adopted Sasha and brought her home from Russia on May 26, 2011. In August, not knowing quite what to do, we enrolled her in the local public Jr. High. We were living in Texas at the time. That lasted for one week and was a disaster. Some of it was the school's fault, some of it was no one's fault. Accommodating a seventh grader who cannot read or write English is a weighty task. We brought her home and I attempted to home school her. Let's just say that Sasha and I mix about like oil and water. 2011 came to an end and so did my patience.

New year, new home school instructor. For the spring semester of 2012, we hired a wonderful lady from our church to home school Sasha for us. She was truly a blessing and Sasha did well with her. But as the school year came to a close, so did Dan's job. Not knowing what our finances would look like, we once again decided to try teaching Sasha ourselves. This time Dan decided to give it a try. The fall semester of 2012 started off well, but once again as the year came to an end, so did Dan's patience. Hey, at least I wasn't the only Jensen unable to handle this.

In November 2012 Sasha started expressing an interest in trying public school again. With Dan's patience exhausted and no finances to hire a private tutor, we reluctantly gave public school another try. Sasha returned to public Jr. High for the spring semester of 2013. It was definitely better than it had been before. She made friends, which was very important and made it worth the experience, but academically it was still just such a mess. What do you do with a kid who performs above her 8th grade peers in math but can only read at about a 3rd grade level? Enter THEO located in Plano, TX.

THEO is a wonderful home school coop program. THEO provides the facility and finds qualified teachers to teach needed subjects. Parents pay teachers directly and can choose for their child to take one, some, or all of their subjects there. Since parents are pooling their money together to hire teachers, it was very very affordable. Sasha looked forward to school every day and was really learning. But no sooner had the school year started than Dan got a new job in San Jose, California. We are grateful for the job but the move felt overwhelming. Poor Sasha. She was losing the school and friends she had just found. She finished the fall semester at THEO but then had to say goodbye.

So here we are in San Jose, CA. There is no THEO here nor anything like it. I didn't know what to do. For a time I considered trying to home school Sasha myself again but knew deep down inside that it wouldn't work- remember, oil and water. I need to be this girl's mom right now, not her teacher. We had an appointment last Tuesday with a local clinic called Reading and Spelling Solutions. They specialize in helping kids like Sasha and we knew they could help her, but we weren't expecting the miracle we found there. They tested Sasha and found no learning disabilities. She is just confused because of language. Not only can they help her with her reading and English, but they have a home school program! She will attend 2 hours a day, 5 days and week and work one-on-one with a teacher. They will teach her English (reading, spelling, grammar, pronunciation), Algebra, and US History. I purchased the Geography curriculum that she had already started in the fall and we will finish it at home this spring. Hey, I can handle just one class. She's also learning to type with an online course, and continues to read and do copy work in Russian.

We have already found a church youth group for her and I'm sure she'll make friends quickly. The greatest miracle of Reading and Spelling Solutions is the people and what they believe they can accomplish with Sasha. They are wonderful Christian people and we are so impressed with how they interact with the kids who come through their doors for help. When testing Sasha, although they found her to be quite confused, they found her IQ to be quite high. They believe that they can take this kid who currently reads at about a 4th grade level and have her reading at a 9th grade level by September. She may need to keep attending school with them next fall to get completely caught up, but regardless, this is just a life changing miracle for Sasha. If she can get caught up academically now instead of when she is 25, it will really change her life and her future.

And there you have it- our long journey for a school solution for Sasha. We aren't finished yet. The journey will continue. We just keep trying things until we find something that works for her. We knew what we were signing up for when we adopted her. It's been a wonderful, frustrating, interesting, exhausting experience. If you're in a similar situation, don't give up and NEVER settle for something mediocre. Just keep trying until you find your "place for the discussion."

Trust Your Husband

Job security. Not many people have it. Though Dan and I have walked through many tragedies and hardships, losing a job was not something we had ever had to deal with. Dan began his career with Texas Instruments right out of college and remained there for 21 years- that is until June of this year. On Monday after Father's Day Dan left his career of 21 years and stepped into a sabbatical from corporate America.
The last several months have been a time of discovery and rest for him. But as we entered the month of October, we knew that God was ready to start focusing us and pointing us toward what He has next. I use the word "Us" because that is how we've approached this. That's how we approach everything as a couple. As a result, I found myself completely caught off guard at what God said to me. A few weeks ago, Dan took me out on a wonderful date. After dinner, we sat together next to a lovely fountain of water and talked for a long time. As Dan was sharing his heart with me I very clearly heard God say, "I don't want you to ask me for direction or vision any more. I simply want you to pray for Dan. I'll give direction and vision to him. When you hear from him, you will hear from me. You can trust him."
Um, okay- or maybe not. Wouldn't it be better if God spoke to both of us? That way I could confirm for Dan that he is indeed hearing from God. Sounds like a great argument, but in the end I knew I wasn't convincing God of anything. My reasoning wasn't driven by wisdom, it was driven by fear. Dan needs to hear from God himself. He doesn't need me to convince him that he's heard God. As for me, I'm being asked to stretch my trust muscles. I wrestled with this for a couple of weeks and then God, being the gentle and loving Dad that He is, reminded me that Dan has a stellar track record. He walked me through all the times in our 23 years of marriage that Dan heard His voice. There were several instances where I doubted at first but relented and followed Dan. There isn't a single instance I can think of where I was sorry that I trusted Dan and followed him.
So does this mean I'm trusting a man instead of God? The answer is a resounding NO. The only reason I can trust Dan is because I know that he trusts God. I can trust Dan because I know who he trusts.

"I Don't Believe In God."

"I don't believe in God." That was the result of our first spiritual conversation with Sasha when we brought her home in May of 2011. Here I was, the worship pastor of a Christian church, and I just adopted a teenager who doesn't even believe in God. Thanks God. No pressure. Well, at least she was honest.
It's been quite a journey- a quiet journey. What do I mean by quiet? I mean we really haven't said much. Keeping my mouth shut has been the hardest part. We've had countless deep, meaningful conversations with Sasha in the past year, but very few of them about God.
When Sasha told us she didn't believe in God, we responded by telling her that was fine. She was free to believe whatever she wanted. A deal was struck. We would sit through her gymnastics class for an hour each week to support her. In return, she would sit through a church service for an hour each week to support me. It also helped when we pointed out she could make friends at church. In closing the conversation, I challenged her to ask God to prove to her that he is real.  And that's pretty much where we left it.
A question here, a question there. Worship music. Could I download some songs to her iPod? Why yes, yes I can. Youth Group. Would I drive her to youth group? Why yes, yes I can. A deeper question here, a deeper question there. Over the spring there were questions such as, "How do you hear God's voice?" "How do you pray?" And then came summer and youth camp.
Now, a normal person might just simply ask God to reveal himself to them. But not Sasha. She had literally drawn a line in the sand and dared him to cross it. Her fists were up and she was ready for a fight. But she arrived home from camp to tell us that she heard God's voice for the first time. She was deeply moved and clearly shaken- in a good way. She also said she worshiped for the first time in the services because she now knows that God is real.
Last weekend we took her to a Night Of Worship at Christ For the Nations in Dallas. We weren't sure what her reaction would be. She clapped and sang along with the first couple of songs. Then the band started to play a song titled "Great I Am." Sasha leaned over and said, "Ooh, this is my favorite song." She closed her eyes, bowed her head, and lifted her hands in worship. And me? Well, I melted into a puddle of tears on the floor.
I'm glad I kept my mouth shut and let God do his thing in his time. 

You Know Me

I have many "favorite" verses in the Bible but this is definitely one of them.

The Lord replied to Moses, "I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name."- Exodus 33:17

It's where God says he knows Moses by name that really gets me. I love that. I love the thought of being on a first-name-basis with God.

Although I spend time with God each day, I did not have a nice size chunk of time carved out in my week to really process, listen to his voice, and journal my thoughts and feelings and what I felt he was saying to me. That's always an important thing to have, but it's especially important in this season of my life. My husband Dan is currently going through a major career change. He has taken a sabbatical from corporate America to seek God for direction for the next season of his life. Will we move? Will we stay? Will God have something new for me in this season as well? It's all very unsettling and can become overwhelming to me if I allow it. And so I carved out the needed space to decompress and process.

I didn't expect much out of the first night of carved space. I thought I'd be happy if I just had some quiet time to myself to think.  So there I was with my iPod, journal and pen. I listened to a favorite song and then turned my iPod off. I sat there in the quiet for a few moments and out of nowhere I heard him- such a sweet voice. "Kerri, I know you don't know where you're going. And I know you don't know what you'll be doing. But you do know me. You know me well enough to know that you can trust me." 

Well, that's enough for me. He knows my name. He even confirmed that I know him. I know him well enough to really trust him. I just needed that reassurance that I do know him and am capable of hearing his voice. I needed to be be reminded that he's walking this out with me.

The Bride

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of attending the wedding of a very special young bride named Jill. It was a bitter sweet experience for Dan and I. You see, Jill had once been the "girlfriend" of our son Alex. He was 12, she was 11. I'm not sure what it really means to be boyfriend and girlfriend when you're 11 and 12 years old but, whatever it means, that is what they were. Alex died in a tragic ski accident over Christmas break that year. Jill was his "girlfriend" at the time and it left her with a broken heart to say the least.
We've watched Jill grow into a beautiful young woman over the years. I knew she would grow up and get married one day, and yet, it caught me off guard. The wedding invitation arrived in the mail. I stood there holding it in a bit of shock and disbelief. When did she grow up? She's getting married? To someone else?
Alex died at 12, therefore, Alex is eternally 12 years old in our memory. It felt a bit like Jill was getting married at 12 years old- an odd feeling. And although I know it's highly unlikely that Alex would have ever married Jill even if he had lived, it was still a bit unsettling. It's unsettling because it just proves again that life goes on. Her life goes on and his does not. She got to walk down the aisle and into her future. He will never walk down the aisle and I will never share that joy with him. That's a hard pill for a mom to swallow.
I will say that once I was able to wrap my mind around the fact that Jill is not 12 and is not marrying Alex, I had a wonderful time celebrating her wedding day. Such a beautiful bride, Jill will be a wonderful wife and mother. I'm privileged to be even a small part of her life.

Worship Lady

This past Sunday I had a cute and inspiring experience with a child at our church. I serve as the worship pastor and after the service had ended a young boy approached me at the front of the auditorium. He couldn't have been more than about 7 years old. He looked very serious and approached me asking, "Excuse me, but are you the worship lady?"

You need to first understand that I have been dubbed many varied titles since taking this role. I've been called worship pastor, worship leader, music director, song leader, and the list goes on. Worship lady was a new one, and I kind of like it.

I assured him that yes, I am indeed the "worship lady." He handed me a single $1 bill and, looking very concerned, asked me if I could please put it with the offering. You see, he had gone to the restroom and missed the passing of the offering bags and was distraught that his dollar bill might not make it into this week's offering. His mother told him to find the worship lady and give it to her. I assured him that I would turn it in with this week's offering and he thanked me and left.

I stood there somewhat struck by what had just happened. On the surface it is cute and makes you smile. But, looking a little deeper, I felt the weight of it. This child had just trusted me with his offering- his sacrifice. That's a pretty serious and weighty thing when you think about it.

I think that sometimes when you're in leadership you settle into your role and, after a while, you get a little lazy. You perhaps get too comfortable in it and forget how serious it is. People are watching. People trust you. People call you the "worship lady." :)

Staying In Tune

Today is a great day. Why? Because the piano tuner is at my house. I have a beautiful Baldwin grand piano that proudly sits in my living room. It's arguably my most valuable earthly possession. Although I guess it's nice to look at, it's pretty worthless if I can't play it, interact with it. Over time my Baldwin goes a little flat or a little sharp, and eventually I lose interest in playing it because what was once beautiful music is now just noise. This is why I clap and jump for joy when I see the piano tuner approaching my front door.

I think my attitude is often like my Baldwin piano. Over time I can get a little flat, or a little sharp, and eventually the previously pleasant sounds flowing out of me are now just annoying noise. Noise to God. Noise to others. I need to be tuned.

When the piano tuner tunes my piano, he never tunes it to itself. Instead, he strikes a tuning fork and tunes my piano to the tuning fork. After all, just because my piano is in tune with itself, that doesn't mean that it's actually "in tune." He tunes to the tuning fork because the tuning fork is constant. Unlike my Baldwin, the tuning fork never goes out of tune. It resonates a pure A always and forever.

Just like my piano, I cannot tune my attitude to myself, or to anyone else for that matter. If I do, I'm pretty sure I'll be the only person who thinks I'm "in tune." I need a tuning fork. I need the Holy Spirit filling me up and resonating a pure and constant A. I need this not only for my sake, but for the sake of others, particularly my children. I've been a mom for a long time and if there's one thing I've noticed it's that as goes my attitude, goes the attitude of my kids. Until my kids have completely learned to tune themselves to God, they tune themselves to me. I'm their tuning fork until they learn to make God their tuning fork. Whoever or whatever I tune myself to will be what they tune themselves to.

Well, the piano tuner just finished. I once again have beautiful music resonating from my piano instead of noise. I think I'll go spend some time with God and make sure I'm in tune also.

Love is...choosing to love her Russian mom

What do I do with the reality that Sasha has a Russian mom? I've been internally processing this for a couple of months now. Do I ignore her? Just smile and agree when Sasha talks about her? Blame her for all of Sasha's pain? Create a fairy tale version of her? I've come to the conclusion that I should just love her. I don't have to like the choices she made but I definitely have to love her. After all, if it were not for her I would not have Sasha in my life, regardless of the circumstances that brought her to me. It is classic Romans 8:28-30. God chose Sasha in advance to be his own and so he is taking everything that has happened in her life and is working it together for good. Everything.

I never wanted to be one of those Western Christians full of pride and arrogance, swooping in to save the orphan child. Someone else and their culture can't get it right so I have to march over there and fix it, all in the name of Jesus. I hate that kind of thinking. It stinks. I don't have a Masters in Theology, but I'm pretty sure God hates it too. All that being said, there is a fine line between defending the interests of your adopted child and taking up an offense for her that allows this kind of thinking to creep in.

And so I found myself sitting in a Russian courtroom when suddenly someone announces that her mother has passed away. I suddenly felt my heart break for Sasha and for her mother. For months I have gone back and forth between anger and frustration at Sasha's past circumstances and a broken heart for this woman who is missing out on seeing who Sasha is growing up to be. And then a couple of months ago a real game-changer happened.

Sasha and I were driving along in the car one day when suddenly, out of the blue, she says, "You know, you look just like my Russian mom." Woe. Talk about being caught off guard. Apparently I look so much like her Russian mom that Sasha says when she first saw me it literally took her breath away. I suddenly realized just how carefully God had orchestrated this entire process. Sasha has no pictures of her mother but God loves her so much that she can simply look at me and remember. Are there positives and negatives to this? Most certainly, but whether positive or negative, I have the opportunity to love this woman. I now not only just listen when Sasha wants to talk about her Russian mom, I initiate my own conversations about her. I've learned to cook a few things the way her Russian mom cooked them. I take in all the memories that Sasha shares and save them in an effort to help Sasha remember. Some memories are happy, some are not so happy, but it is obvious that God wants to use them all for good.

I choose to honor her memory. I choose to forgive her when I need to. I choose to love her.

Control Freak

Yes, I admit it. I'm a control freak. It came as quite a shock to hear God (and my dear husband) tell me that I'm a control freak. It's funny how you view yourself versus how others view you. I thought that I was good at delegating and prided myself that I hold things with "open hands." Pride. It will get you every time. No one else could possibly do it as well as me so I just need to do it myself. Is that what I really think? Ouch. It hurts when you get slapped in the face with the reality of your pride issues.

It all came about as Dan and I were planning what to do with Sasha this spring. We are currently home schooling her. We made it through the fall, but the weight of trying to home school and work as a worship pastor at our church was beginning to crush me. What was my solution? Obviously Sasha has to come first, and so obviously I have to quit my job. Enter stage right Dan Jensen, man full of wisdom and grace, and master at stirring the pot. I hate it when he does that. I love it when he does that. Is quitting my job really putting Sasha first? Does home schooling really mean I have to teach her myself? Am I even the best person to teach Sasha?  How dare he ask me such genius questions and reveal my control freak issues!

And there it was staring me in the face.  I didn't want to let anyone help me because I literally felt guilty about wanting to work. I should want to be with Sasha all the time- right? The guilt was robbing me of the joy in finding my purpose and God's call on my life to be a worship pastor. I had to admit I was trying to control everything and ask for help. I also had to accept God's call on my life and decide that I was all in.

Sasha now spends Monday's with me. We work on spiritual development, reading, and life skills. She spends Tuesdays and Thursdays with her grandparents who teach her math, and she spends Wednesdays and Fridays with Miss Heather who teaches her English and reading. Interesting to note that Sasha's grandfather is a retired math teacher and Miss Heather has home-schooled countless kids for countless families over the years. Do you think they probably know more than me? Probably.

It's amazing how calm I feel now that I've let go of what God asked me to let go of. It's also amazing how well things are going in the worship ministry I lead now that I've committed to being all in. And the best part of all is that every afternoon when I pick Sasha up she is genuinely happy to see me. Life is good when you learn to let go.

Sugar Plum Fairies

Last night we enjoyed a performance of the Nutcracker at the Winspear Opera House in Dallas. The Dallas Arts District was filled with holiday lights, horse drawn carriages, performers, and people. The sights and sounds were beautiful. Our family has always enjoyed the arts- symphony, art museums, musical theater, and concerts featuring just about any genre of music. The ballet has never really been a part of our lives. Then Sasha came along.

Dan and I enjoyed our first ballet performance in St. Petersburg, Russia with Sasha. We took her to the Mariinsky (Kirov) theater. A little Ballet 101, to go to the Mariinsky Theater for a ballet is like seeing a theater production on Broadway in New York. Winspear isn't the Mariinsky, but it was certainly beautiful and this time we were able to take Beth for her first ballet experience.

While I don't see us going to The Nutcracker every single year, I am sure we will definitely see it again and again in the future. Honestly, Sasha's favorite part of the night was just going out. She and Beth are exactly alike in this way. They love to dress up and go out like this. Both girls were sporting new holiday dresses and high heels that they had purchased just for the occasion. They were beautiful last night- two Sugar Plum Fairies.

We've had several conversations lately with Sasha about how she misses Russia. Attending events like this I believe will really help. Russia, particularly St. Petersburg, loves art, culture, and architecture. Sasha commented last night about the Dallas skyline and lights. Her comment? "You have some pretty buildings here. Is not Russia. Is not old, but is pretty too. It's okay. I like."

Well okay, I'll take that. :)

Pixie Dust

We took Sasha to Disney World end of October. We are a Disney family and it was great to share it with Sasha. Dan and I have so many great memories of Disney vacations with the kids and now we have those same memories with Sasha.

 As you can see, we were there over Halloween. Mickey's Not So Scary Trick Or Treat is certainly the biggest Halloween party I've ever been to. I guess you could call us the Empire Family. Dan was Caesar, I was a Greek Goddess, and Sasha was Cleopatra.

 They don't celebrate Halloween in Russia but Sasha had heard of it. She was totally excited and thought Trick or Treating was the greatest thing ever.

For those of you who know Dan personally, you are in total shock that he dressed up. We've been married 23 years and started dating when we were 17 and 18 years old and I have NEVER known him to dress up. Sasha looked so disappointed when he told her he doesn't dress up that he couldn't stand it and totally caved.

I've always known that Disney was a magical place, but for us this was a beyond magical trip in many ways. Was it because we were away from our normal surroundings? Was it because we were able to let go of the stress of every day normal life? Was it Pixie dust? Whatever it was, Sasha relaxed in a way we have not seen before. She really let her guard and defenses down and let us in like never before.

There was one day that we had quite a blow up with Sasha. This is pretty normal. We have at least one major blow up a week. Hey, you don't adopt a 13 year old international child and not have at least a weekly blow up. But this time was really different. We sat her down and she really listened to us in a way she had never listened before. The next day we were walking out to catch a bus and out of the blue Sasha said to me, "Mom, I think that 5-6 years in the orphanage were not good for me." She then explained that she believes she learned survival techniques and behaviors and reactions that might have seemed to help her survive in the orphanage, but they just don't seem to work in a family. Uh...okay...WOW!! I nearly passed out on the pavement. She gets it. In fact, she doesn't just get it, she really gets it. She is processing some things on a really deep level.

So now that we're home from vacation, the past two weeks have been absolutely perfect, yes? Umm no. We've had more blow ups, one was the worst yet, but I can point back to that moment in Disney and rest at least a little knowing that she is truly processing her new life and new family.

Pixie dust? I don't think so. No, I'm pretty sure that only the Holy Spirit is capable of that kind of magic. :)

Privacy Please

It was five months ago today that we took custody of Sasha in St. Petersburg, Russia. Hard to believe. Things are going pretty well and we're making a lot of great memories.

Fireworks on the Fouth of July

Ready for a friend's 70s party. I had to explain what a hippie was.

So far I only have one major complaint and it not about Sasha. It's about other people, mostly strangers and acquaintances. Let me try to explain.

I have never had anyone who I have just met or am only acquainted with ask me personal, probing questions about my biological children. No one who just met Beth and I or who are only acquainted with us would ever ask me if Beth was ever abused. Was I ever an alcoholic, drug addict, prostitute? You don't just meet someone and start questioning them about their personal history. Good grief. Yet this is what I constantly encounter. People who I am only mildly acquainted with have a nasty habit of point blank asking me what happened to Sasha's Russian parents. Did they die? Why was she in the orphanage? Was she abused? Were her parents alcoholics, drug addicts? Was her mother a prostitute? Dan and I were warned in our adoption training that this would happen. We carefully rehearsed what we would say in these scenarios and yet, I find myself dumbfounded every time it happens. I guess I'm just shocked that anyone would think it appropriate to ask me these questions. What's worse is that more than once people have asked these questions right in front of Sasha. Get real. Grow a brain.

So how do I answer these questions? My tactful response is that we don't discuss Sasha's personal history with anyone outside of our immediate family.  This shuts it down and I quickly change the subject. I dream of some day having the guts to say "nunya- nunya business." Wouldn't that be fun?

So there you have it. My rant for the day.

Letting Go

Grow up. That's what your kids do. They grow up- and then they leave. They leave and there you are left with this jumbled up bunch of emotions wondering how to sort through them all. I currently find myself sorting through a jumbled up bunch of emotions regarding Beth.

Beth was a freshman last year at Stephen F Austin University in Nacogdoches, Texas. Although she thoroughly loved her time there and loved being an art major, she knew that was not what God really had for her future. She came home and spent the summer with her new sister, Sasha and headed off again in August. This year she has started over as a freshman at Christ For the Nations Institute in Dallas. Last year she was four hours away. This year she is only one hour away but it feels strangely different. So what is different? What has changed? She really left this time. I can't really explain it any differently than that. I helped her move into her apartment on campus and when I drove away there was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that said, "It will never be the same. She is on her own now." Don't get me wrong. This is a good thing. If it doesn't happen then there is definitely something wrong with both you and your child. But try as you will, you can never be quite ready for it.

I feel very blessed that the jumbled emotions are mine and around me, not about Beth or her ability to face life on her own. I know she is ready and, most importantly, she knows God. I've spent the morning reading about Moses and his relationship with God. Exodus 33 says,  (v11)"Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend." (v14)The Lord replied, "I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest- everything will be fine for you." (17)The Lord replied to Moses, "I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name."

Beth may not be Moses, but I know that she has this kind of relationship with God and I know that he knows her name. And this is where the deep sense of peace settles in for me. I don't have to worry that I can't be there for her. She doesn't need me like that anymore because she has infinitely more in her relationship with God. She knows how to seek him. She knows how to hear his voice. And she knows how to step out in blind faith. She knows because that is what we have taught her and she has been an excellent student. Sigh. Good feeling. Well, that was a nice 15 minute rest. Now back to the "Classroom of Life" with the younger student!

Ketchup

Wow! I can't believe it's been three months since I last blogged. I have really missed it. So why have I waited so long to blog again? I kept waiting because I didn't know where to draw the boundaries. Once we had Sasha home it seemed to become all about Sasha. But how much about Sasha is it okay for me to share online for the whole world to read? I struggled with this for a long time. My recent conclusion is that it's not about Sasha after all. It's really about me, and that doesn't just pertain to blogging.

After nearly 21 years of parenting I have come to realize that I basically have two choices when it comes to parenting. I can try really hard to control my children, or I can focus on staying in control of me. I can either focus most of my attention and energy on their behavior and choices, or I can take a deep breath and focus most of my attention on my reaction. I think I've spent most of my life as a mother convinced that God gave me these kids to raise and it is my responsibility to make sure that they turn out to be good people, good Christians, good citizens, good employees, good spouses and parents some day, blah blah blah... Sure, it's important that my kids learn to be all of those things, but what about me? Maybe, just maybe God is also using these kids to teach me something as well. And maybe, just maybe my kids learn infinitely more from watching me walk out what God is trying to teach me than I could ever have imagined.

Ketchup. Yes, ketchup is what really first turned the light bulb on for me. Let me explain. Sasha and I were traveling just the two of us to visit my parents. It is a 5 hour car trip. Please understand that even if we are driving 5 minutes to the Target store Sasha will ask "how many minutes?" So you can imagine the state of my patience 3 hours into our trip. She was hungry and we needed to make a restroom stop anyway, so I pulled into a McDonalds. Sasha decided on a cheeseburger, fries, and orange Fanta. I should have known better, I really should have, but patience worn thin I made a fatal error in judgement upon receiving our food order. You see, the clerk did not put any ketchup packets in our bag. Sasha saw that they had little white paper cups that you could squirt ketchup into at the drink dispenser. I know, I know- stupid. But looking at the long line of people still ordering it seemed harmless at the time and so- fatal error- I said yes. We get in the car and Sasha puts the paper cup of ketchup on the dash so she can buckle her seat belt. I, not noticing the paper cup on the dash, take off and the now airborn ketchup lands on Sasha's seat. My first thought was one of anger and frustration until, (by the grace of God before I said anything,) I looked at Sasha's face. There was fear in her eyes. I had only been her mother for about 12 weeks. She wasn't really sure what to expect. She was afraid.

So here's the deal. Should she have set the paper cup on the dash? At 14 years old should she have known better? Under normal circumstances, yes I suppose she should have known better. But who let her have the paper cup of ketchup in the first place? Me. I did it. And the reality is that Sasha has traveled very little in a car in her lifetime. You don't drive around in St Petersburg, Russia unless you absolutely have to. You take the subway. So what happened next?

Well, I closed my eyes for just a second and took a deep breath. I calmly got out of the car and walked around to her side, opened the door, and helped her wipe it up. She kept saying over and over, "Mama, I so sorry. Mama, so sorry." It really broke my heart. I told her it was just ketchup and that I love her more than I love a clean car. I also told her that she would have to help me clean the ketchup stain off of the seat later. Then we took off down the road and had a good talk about what you can and cannot eat in a moving car and why. (By the way, due to my bad judgement, it was a good refresher course for me as well.) She wanted to know why I didn't yell at her. Then she wanted to know why I have never yelled at her for anything. And that is when the light bulb really came on for me.

I for sure used to be a yeller. I wish I could go back and undo all of the yelling I did at Beth and Alex. I don't yell anymore, I haven't for a long time. I'm not really sure when God broke me of that, but I'm glad he did. Sasha and I talked about yelling and why I don't yell at her. She opened up and shared a huge portion of her past and hurt with me and we bonded on a whole new level that day. I still haven't cleaned that ketchup stain off of my seat. It just too good of a reminder for right now.

So yeah, I could have focused on her and how a 14 year old "should" know better. I could have given her a stern talking to. I could have even yelled at her. But I'm just guessing she learned a whole lot more from my calm reaction than she would have if I had exploded at her. So you see, it really is more about me. So I'll keep blogging- about me that is. :)

Lost In Translation?

After having Sasha home now for nearly two weeks, what is the number one question that I hear? You may have already guessed it. "So, how do you communicate if she doesn't speak English?" I'll admit I was really worried about how we would communicate, but I'm learning that talking can sometimes be overrated.

Talking is easy. As a parent, it's often the easy way out for me. You know what I'm talking about- nag, nag, nag, blah, blah, blah. Give me a couple of seconds and I'm easily in lecture mode. With Sasha I am being forced to develop new muscles. I have to really think through what I communicate and how I communicate it.

I really found myself thinking about this as I read John 14:1-14 earlier this week. In verse 11 Jesus says, "Just believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me. Or at least believe because of the work you have seen me do." Believe. The disciples can believe because they have experienced the very character of the Father through Jesus. They have been with him so much and are so close to him that they know who he is and they can believe in their experience. Jesus follows this by saying that if they cannot accept believing in their experience, then at least believe in what they have seen him do.

One proof is experiencing him. Another lesser proof is what they see- his actions. Amazingly, what they hear Jesus say is not even mentioned. He is not asking them to follow him because of what he says. This is very comforting to me because what I say to Sasha right now doesn't count for much. She cannot believe in something that she cannot understand. Sasha sees what I do. My actions do count, but this passage implies that what she experiences when she is with me is what really matters. When she experiences me, does she experience the Father? That is the question. That is all that really matters.

Words are cheap. Actions are important, but watching is done from a distance. Experiencing someone is intimate and touches the very heart of a person. I want Sasha to experience the Father through me the same way the disciples experienced him through Jesus. This means that I have to experience the Father myself. I cannot pass something on to her that I do not have myself.

All that being said, I look forward to the day that Sasha is fluent in English and we can have long, meaningful conversations with each other. But until then, I'm leaning in and learning new parenting and communication skills. Hey, does anyone know the Russian word for.................

More Mixed Nuts- Well Wishers and Naysayers

Well, we're home and settling in. Sasha has unpacked her things and put them away. She loves our dog Jazz and he is thrilled because she throws the ball to him more often than the rest of us combined. Beth loves having a little sister. She showed Sasha how to use the hair straightener and takes her out for ice cream.

Josiah loves having a little sister as well. He plays wii with her and tickles her until she nearly wets her pants. His face in this picture as he looks at her says it all.

Sasha loves that her two closest friends from Russia also live in the area. They were there to greet her at the airport. She has already spent several hours talking to them on the phone. We can already see that we will have to switch cell phone plans to one with more minutes. :)

Texas summers are definitely NOT Russian summers. We spent our second day at Grandma's house in their neighborhood pool. Sasha loves to swim, most likely because of the heat here. Grandma and Grandpa don't mind. Any excuse to have her over is good with them.

Our homecoming was a great experience. Thank you to everyone who made it so special. There was an army of well-wishers at the airport. A group of people from church came and cleaned our house and stocked our pantry. AMAZING! And thank you Courtney Horvath for taking the amazing photos of our homecoming at the airport. I will cherish them and I'm sure Sasha will also.

Our adoption agency, Buckner, asked our permission to have a television crew at the airport when we arrived. Channel 11 from Dallas was there to record our arrival and interview us. You can find the video at this link http://dfw.cbslocal.com/2011/05/27/wylie-family-brings-home-adopted-russian-teen/

On the Channel 11 website, there is an area below the video where people can leave comments about the stories. I guess I'm not completely surprised by the negative comments people made about us. International adoption is a touchy subject everywhere. When we are in Russia we hear angry Russians telling us that we shouldn't be taking Russian children from their culture. When we are in America we hear angry Americans telling us that we should adopt American children in the foster system instead of going overseas. There is a common factor in both groups. Those in Russia who do not like us would never dream of adopting a Russian orphan in an effort to keep them in their native culture. And those in America who think we should only adopt American children would never dream of adopting or fostering an American child themselves. The global orphan crisis is just that- global.

So, am I upset at the angry naysayers? Nope. Not in the least. I am actually quite excited about it. Nothing gives me a bigger high than to poke a stick into a hornets nest and then watch what happens. I figure that if the world is angry at what I am doing then I must be smack in the middle of God's will. Check it out.
1John 3:13- So don't be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if the world hates you.
1Peter 3:16-17- Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. Remember, it is better to suffer for doing good, if that is what God wants, than to suffer for doing wrong!

So let them rant, let them murmur, let them stare. I will joyfully keep doing what I know Christ would do. 

Our Current Flight Arrival Information

It is currently Thursday, May 26  at 4 pm. We have landed in Chicago and wanted to give everyone our current flight and arrival status. Our flight to Dallas is currently delayed 25 minutes.
If you are planning to meet us at the airport, please make sure to contact American Airlines before leaving to check on our flight status.
You can get updated flight arrival information for flight AA2341 at www.aa.com or by calling 1-800-433-7300.

We will meet everyone at our baggage claim area. They currently show us arriving at 8:10pm gate A25 (Terminal A) baggage claim A28. However, this information is likely to change so please check first.

Love you all and look forward to seeing everyone.

Sensible Shoes

We are so excited to go home! This was our last day in Moscow as well as our last day in Russia. We slept late for some much needed rest and spent the afternoon at the Zoh-park (Zoo). The Moscow Zoo is not that large so we were able to see most everything including the dolphin show. Sasha loved the dolphin show. I was able to get a good picture of her with the giraffe.

This picture is pretty much it because she was such a camera hog! :) Good grief but this kid loves to take pictures. Maybe she'll grow up to be a photographer some day. We didn't want to pack the big camera around the zoo today so we just used our iphones. My iphone is now full of twenty-trillion photos of this animal and that. Come to think of it, I'm really glad the Moscow Zoo is small or I wouldn't have any memory left on my iphone.

People watching is quite a hobby for me. I really enjoy being around a lot of people and really enjoy people watching. Russia is a great place to people watch because Russians take their fashion quite seriously. I'm serious. These people really know how to dress. They dress up to go everywhere and the women really enjoy wearing high heels. The odd thing is they wear high heels everywhere- and I mean everywhere. And so, I found myself at the zoo in line to watch the dolphin show and suddenly found myself feeling under-dressed in my jeans and t-shirt. Check out the lady in line in front of us. I just couldn't resist snapping a picture of her heels.

Seriously? At the zoo? I mean check out the cobblestone path we had to walk all day on. My feet hurt just from my sensible shoes. If you want to make it big as a podiatrist, this would be a good country to open your practice in. Sasha wore a pair of ankle-breakers (that's what I call them) to the ballet last week. I spent the whole night using the Russian word for "be careful." I'm really good at saying that word now. Got it down.

Thank you to our family and friends for all the encouragement as we have been traveling. We love you all and look forward to seeing you again. Just a few more hours! Oh, and when we arrive, we will all be wearing sensible shoes- even Sasha.

Blessed To Be American

We've had a good couple of days in Moscow but we sure are ready to get home. We're all three quite stir-crazy in the tiny apartment since we just came from a tiny hotel room in St. Petersburg. We go out most days for quite a while but you have to go back some time. We're tired of tourist attractions, museums, and eating out.
One nice thing about being in Moscow is there are more American things here and there. We ate lunch yesterday at Hard Rock Cafe Moscow. The Moscow location is HUGE. Three floors- a bit overwhelming.

They have Starbucks in Moscow also. Yes, I got my Moscow City Mug. Just love those city mugs. You hear more English here and there also. A British couple struck up a conversation with us just so they could talk to someone else in English. Cracked me up.
We also visited the Kremlin, Red Square, and St. Basils yesterday. So much history here. Some of the history is sad and some of it is awe inspiring. Sasha loved the architecture and history as usual. She also loved the fountains and flowers. Everything is sunny, blooming and beautiful over here this time of year.

Today we spent the morning at the US Embassy getting Sasha's immigration paperwork taken care of and then we were just lazy all day around the apartment. The US Embassy was really an interesting experience. We met adopting families from Indiana, Connecticut, New York, Puerto Rico, and of course our friends from Texas. But the interesting part for me was the fact that it was "Student Day." What is student day you ask? Well, student day is Tuesdays at the US Embassy. This is the day that Russian students can apply for a student visa to study at a university in America. The lines were quite long and each student looked nervous, anxious, and ripe with anticipation. As we were entering the Embassy I saw several girls come out jumping up and down celebrating as they waived their coveted paperwork in the air. They were overcome with joy at the prospect of studying in America. As we left the Embassy I witnessed the exact opposite. Several young ladies were leaving the Embassy in tears. They had been rejected for some reason. They were completely grief stricken and their sorrow overwhelmed me. My heart really went out to them.

It really made me stop and think. I live in a very unique country. You can actually start at the bottom and make something of yourself. Opportunity is open to most anyone who wants it. That is just not true in most parts of the world. These young Russian students know the enormous opportunities open to them in America. Question is, do most American students realize it? The familiar becomes just that- familiar.

Thank you Jesus for the unique blessing I enjoy just because I was born in America. Give me wisdom to teach Beth and Josiah how blessed they are to be young American adults with a bright future ahead of them. And give me wisdom to teach Sasha to take full advantage of the unique blessing she enjoys as both a citizen of America and a citizen of Russia.

Farewell St. Pete, Hello Moscow

We said farewell to St. Petersburg yesterday. I was so sad to leave Natasha. I have come to love this dear woman who has literally laid her life down for the sake of helping children find forever families. We took a bullet train from St. Petersburg to Moscow. I had never been on a passenger train before. It was really quite fun.

We are traveling with another family from Dallas. We have known them for some time through Buckner and are having a great time together. Their new son is 10 years old. He and Sasha seem to really enjoy talking and playing games together. We talk with Sasha, but we only know enough Russian to have "baby talk" in a sense. Simple 2-3 word sentences. The kids tire of this after a while. When they get together they both talk all over the top of each other barely taking a breath. I guess they're just trying to get in as much Russian speak as possible not knowing how long it will be before they get another chance.
Sasha wanted to dress nice for the train ride. She chose an all pink and black ensemble so that her clothes would also match her luggage. Oy. :0 What you don't even see in this photo is the hot pink sweater that goes with the outfit. Too hot out in the sun.

As I shot this next photo I thought to myself how these two kids are so brave. They are leaving their city. They are leaving their country. They are leaving their culture. They are leaving the only home they have ever known. Could I do that? I just don't know. I admire their brave little hearts.

We have had so many people say such nice things to us during this process. People have said that Dan and I are brave, that we are doing such a good thing, that Sasha is lucky to have us, etc. Don't get me wrong, these are very nice things to say to us and we are grateful for people's kind thoughts. I am just struck with these older kids though. We are adults, therefore we have some control. They are still kids, they really have no control. They don't really know what lies in store for them in a new family and a new country, and yet they choose to be adopted. Very brave.
Any family who is blessed enough to adopt an older child internationally is blessed with a very brave child indeed.