Letting Go

Grow up. That's what your kids do. They grow up- and then they leave. They leave and there you are left with this jumbled up bunch of emotions wondering how to sort through them all. I currently find myself sorting through a jumbled up bunch of emotions regarding Beth.

Beth was a freshman last year at Stephen F Austin University in Nacogdoches, Texas. Although she thoroughly loved her time there and loved being an art major, she knew that was not what God really had for her future. She came home and spent the summer with her new sister, Sasha and headed off again in August. This year she has started over as a freshman at Christ For the Nations Institute in Dallas. Last year she was four hours away. This year she is only one hour away but it feels strangely different. So what is different? What has changed? She really left this time. I can't really explain it any differently than that. I helped her move into her apartment on campus and when I drove away there was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that said, "It will never be the same. She is on her own now." Don't get me wrong. This is a good thing. If it doesn't happen then there is definitely something wrong with both you and your child. But try as you will, you can never be quite ready for it.

I feel very blessed that the jumbled emotions are mine and around me, not about Beth or her ability to face life on her own. I know she is ready and, most importantly, she knows God. I've spent the morning reading about Moses and his relationship with God. Exodus 33 says,  (v11)"Inside the Tent of Meeting, the Lord would speak to Moses face to face, as one speaks to a friend." (v14)The Lord replied, "I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest- everything will be fine for you." (17)The Lord replied to Moses, "I will indeed do what you have asked, for I look favorably on you, and I know you by name."

Beth may not be Moses, but I know that she has this kind of relationship with God and I know that he knows her name. And this is where the deep sense of peace settles in for me. I don't have to worry that I can't be there for her. She doesn't need me like that anymore because she has infinitely more in her relationship with God. She knows how to seek him. She knows how to hear his voice. And she knows how to step out in blind faith. She knows because that is what we have taught her and she has been an excellent student. Sigh. Good feeling. Well, that was a nice 15 minute rest. Now back to the "Classroom of Life" with the younger student!